A girl asked me to read this book to her twice. (Hmmm…could there be a message here?) It was about knight who was sent to find a magician. The magician had made it rain so much that it flooded the village. Everyone was angry at him so the magician said he was sorry and cleaned up the mess he had created. But the knight noticed that there was still a cloud above the magician’s head which continued to rain on him. The magician admitted that he was angry with himself. When everyone saw him, they began to laugh. Finally, the magician laughed too. The cloud vanished and a rainbow appeared over his head.
As I read this story, I could see it’s truth and relevance in my own life. I had woken up from dreams a few nights earlier with a strong feeling that I needed to forgive myself and start trusting myself again. Yes, I had made a lot of mistakes and had betrayed myself in many ways. But I have experienced the consequences and most importantly, I have learned from them. Deep down, though, I think I am still carrying that cloud over my head–angry at myself for going against my better judgement, for not speaking up for myself, for not living my truth and living up to my fullest potential.
The problem is, we don’t like being mad at ourselves, and we definitely don’t like admitting our weaknesses, so we look around for others to shoulder the responsibility when we feel frustrated and life isn’t quite going our way. It’s much easier to blame others when things aren’t to our liking. But this strategy is neither healthy nor helpful.
If we are not happy with a situation or person in our lives, we always have three choices: 1. we can make changes to that situation or relationship. 2. we can remove ourselves from that situation or relationship 3. we can accept the situation or person as it is and change our reaction to it. In theory, it sounds pretty simple but old patterns die hard.
Lately, I have been frustrated with not being able to express myself and feeling that people don’t listen to me or understand me. And I have been frustrated with not having enough support and encouragement and feeling that my needs are coming second. So I’ve looked outside myself for someone to blame. I’ve been pointing the finger at others in my life thinking–he/she’s the bad guy. He doesn’t listen or she talks too much. He isn’t empathetic enough or she is too aggressive. He is being selfish, harsh and disrespectful. She is being arrogant, bossy, domineering.
Why do these particular characteristics push my buttons? Because I know in my heart that what I am so conveniently avoiding is MY part in all of this and all of MY weak points which just happen to be the opposing traits–not speaking up enough, being overly empathetic and emotional, too sensitive, passive, modest, meek and disrespectful of my own needs.
OUCH! The truth hurts! But if I don’t face the truth of who I am and my responsibility in my life situations and relationships, I will remain stuck and keep going in circles. By placing the blame on others, I would keep confirming my belief that I am unimportant and unworthy. (It’s not my fault that I can’t be more assertive–it’s their fault because I can never get a word in edgewise!) By pointing the finger at the people closest to me, I could continue clinging onto my schema of being helpless, weak and dependent on others. (It’s their fault that I’m not living up to my fullest potential because they are not supporting me enough!) My mind could even trick me into believing that I should just give up trying to speak my truth and voicing my needs. (What’s the point! They will never really listen to me! They will never understand who I truly am!)
I don’t want to be stuck anymore. I don’t want to stayed locked inside, feeling angry and resentful. It’s time to break free from this pattern and get out of this rut. No more blaming! I need to really step up and take responsibility for my own life. I do have choices. If I don’t like the way someone is talking to me, I can tell them to speak with kinder words or I can walk away. If I feel I’m not getting my fair share of speaking time in a conversation, I can say so, bring up topics that I want to talk about or decide to cut the conversation short. If I feel that someone is taking advantage of me or not being respectful of my time or space, it’s up to me to stand up for myself. If someone is not being as empathetic or supportive as I want, then it’s up to me to tell them what I need or how they can help or find someone who will be more understanding.
I need to be more assertive and I need to stand up for myself when I feel my boundaries are being stepped on or crossed. I need to believe that I am important and worthy of being heard. And I think I need to be more accepting of who I am, too. I think the more I speak up, the more strong and confident I will feel and then the more I will really believe in my worthiness. And possibly, the more I believe in my own worthiness, the less I will feel this desperate urge to prove that I am assertive and strong. One day, maybe I will have enough inner strength to be able to just sit back and let the other person do the talking, trusting that I will create chances for myself to speak my truth.
Taking responsibility is accepting your strength and power. You are not a victim. YOU ALWAYS HAVE CHOICES. Accepting your full power is actually a very scary thing. It puts YOU in the driver seat. YOU are in charge. YOU are responsible for your actions and your attitude. Take a moment to deeply think about this idea. What if there were no one else to blame for your frustrations? What if you, alone, had the power to create your life exactly how you wanted it to be? Yes, it’s terrifying and exhilarating all at once. Take a few breaths, and really feel your power. Get excited about being responsible! It’s your day–live it your way!!! Let your rainbow show!
truthtrips 