I feel like a ton of fear has been lifted from me–my mind feels clearer, my heart feels lighter and I feel more awake these last few days. I can sense my energy returning and flowing more freely. I’ve been able to hear my intuition. I can see the possibilities!! No more living like I am slogging through molasses!
Fear…It has made me live small. It has limited me. It has made me accept things that my Highest Self never would have. It has made me hold back my true self–my true thoughts and feelings. This is no way to live.
Of course that’s not to say that I haven’t done courageous things or enjoyed many moments of love, beauty and fun and fulfillment. But it’s as if a veil of anxiety has been obstructing me from really FULLY experiencing life and from really FULLY being myself. And now (at least for now!) the veil has been dissolved.
When I’m in fear, I’m in my head. I’m worrying about the future, I’m analyzing everything, I’m wondering what I should say/do, I’m trying to guess how someone else will react, I’m doubting myself, I’m not believing in my worth and my abilities. Not a fun place to be.
Even a little fear can lessen our ability to live wholeheartedly in the present. We may not be aware that’s it’s there. But it makes us live in a contracted way. Sometimes what we need is a big WAKE UP call!
Luckily, I received one last week at my Reiki session. It wasn’t quite what I had expected. It was intense. Afterwards, I almost felt as if I were in shock–like a person who has been hurt but hasn’t felt the pain yet.
That night I had a dream. A woman was holding a book and it was called–PAIN. I remember how vivid that word was. When I woke up, I could feel all the pain that I hadn’t expressed begin to bubble up. And later, I exploded in sobbing.
When we live in fear, we don’t want to feel pain. We want to pretend that everything is okay. We try to control our emotions. We stuff them down. Why? Because it seems easier to sleepwalk through parts of our life than it is to face what our TRUTH, to face what isn’t working in our lives.
Facing things usually means change and we don’t like change. It’s difficult because change means loss. We may gain in some very wonderful ways but there will be loss that accompanies it. Things will not be the same. And often we are uncertain of what lies ahead.
I have been trying to embrace uncertainty more. It is, perhaps, one of the most difficult lessons in life. We cannot control our future. We cannot control others. We can only live from our innermost core and then surrender to the rest. Trying to plan and predict is such a waste of energy. And we ARE energy!
As much as we would like to believe that things are not changing and that our bodies our solid, this is not the case. Indeed, we are fluid and in continuous change. How easily we forget that our bodies are up to 70% water!
We are energetic beings. Energy is what we are. And emotion is the movement of that energy. Unfortunately, we become so attached to our emotions and we so desperately want to feel a certain way! We want to feel happy, relaxed, powerful and mostly…. in control! We often make decisions based on our desire to feel good or to avoid feeling bad.
But these kinds of choices will not lead us to the kind of fulfilling, peaceful and joyous life that we dream of. The only way to real feel truly content and at peace with ourselves is to live from our centre; to choose, not from our small, contracted and fearful ego self, but from our large, expansive and loving Higher Self.
When we can live from this centred place, the fear will fall away and clarity will take its place. Suddenly, instead of being attached to outcomes (and attempting to control things in order to get the outcomes we think we want), we are living completely true to ourselves no matter what.
Suddenly, we are not agonizing over what to say or how to say it. We are not trying to guess how things will turn out. We are not hoping for a particular future. We are not running from pain. We are simply living and really BEING in the moment; spontaneously, with humour, joy and acceptance.
Our intellect has it’s uses but we need to ask ourselves–Do we want to live mainly from our heads–analyzing, judging, planning, rationalizing; always trying to control? Or do we want to live centred in our hearts–feeling, seeing, intuiting, accepting; becoming the best version of us we can be?
We can be a bundle of fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, confusion, sadness sending out energy that drains and depletes us and others. OR we can choose to understand the blocks in our own energy, work through them and then begin directing our energy so that we are giving out and receiving energy that is light, peaceful, joyous, compassionate.
This is it! We are vibrating energy, existing on a planet, floating around in a galaxy. No one really knows all the answers to life’s mysteries. We can only choose, moment to moment, to live from our hearts, to live with love and to live as best we can in alignment with highest our Highest Self.
I read a wonderful affirmation that I will use to close this post:
“I am all that I allow myself to be.”