Poems

Wake up!!

WAKE UP!!  S l o w   d o w n.

Get your feet on the ground.

Let your body be your guide.

Feel your heart open wide.

Allow yourself to unfold…

Spread joy!  Be bold!!

 

Stand Tall

I stand tall

and take all

my power back.

I stand strong

knowing I belong

right here on this track.

I stand still

as healing love fills

my’s heart hollow crack.

I stand proud

my voice loud

finally understanding…there’s nothing I lack.

 

Shiny Treasures

Expanding into humble greatness

bit by bit

Unfolding delicate truths

Destined to fit

Healing hurting parts–

broken become whole

Uncovering shiny treasures

of a sad, forgotten soul.

 

 

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FREEDOM

I had a dream that my stuff was in a locker but I couldn’t quite remember the combination for my lock.  I started to panic.  And a message came to me–YOU CAN BE FREE BUT YOU CAN’T TAKE ALL OF YOUR IDENTITY.–

Awakening is an often painful process.  As Adyashanti says, it is a “shedding of untruths”.  Sometimes I feel like parts of me are being ripped away and underneath there is the darkness of raw emotion.  This process is a crumbling of the old self;  of all the masks, beliefs and patterns that have held me together like glue.

We all feel fear…from the minute we are pushed out into world.  We gather more and more layers on the way to cover up all the things we believe are unacceptable or too scary to face.

I think of a baby being born and what that baby must be experiencing.  It knows it must leave the safe and cozy womb that has been home but it is terrified as it is forced out into the bright and harsh world.  The real world.  Perhaps this is the best analogy I can think of to clearly describe what Awakening is like.

It is a destruction and a creation all at once–the destruction of the old ways of being as the new authentic self starts to move in.  The old identity that I have clung to for so long simply does not work anymore.  Yet losing it seems utterly unfathomable.  I feel a sense of unease at times.  What will be left after the unravelling?

We cannot experience true freedom if we hold onto this false self which is based in fear.  I can feel the meaning of my message to myself:  I can only be free when I bravely leave those unnecessary parts behind.

I suppose it is similar to that feeling of losing a purse or bag or cellphone.  Haven’t we all experienced some freaking out when we cannot find something that we believe is so crucial to who we are?  It’s unsettling.

I experiment with my “new” and more authentic self.  What happens when I act differently?  What is the outcome if I respond from my truest self?  What happens when I look with compassion rather than fear?

Freedom is a release, a surrender–letting go of all those stories that go round and round in our heads.  It’s unclenching our tightened bellies and opening to the reality of the moment.  Freedom is a cleansing, a purifying.  I felt today for a few minutes as if I had just gone through a car wash.  The past had been wiped away, the emotions cleared and I was relaxed and present.

Freedom is the ultimate place of no fear, no holding back, no limits.  And perhaps it is also unpredictable, spontaneous, random and constantly changing and flowing.

“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.” Nietzsche

 

 

 

Remembering

I wrote this for my blog about a week ago.  Funny, I am just realizing that Remembrance Day is just around the corner…

Remembering who I am is bitter sweet.  It’s like coming out of a trance (as in the words of Tara Brach).  For me, it’s been a 30-year trance.  I think again of the movie Matrix when Neo is told to take the red or blue pill and then comes out into the stark reality, naked and alone.  He is pushed out into the unsettling truth–that he has been living a virtual life.  He feels resistance at first but knows there is no going back.  Interestingly enough, I had a dream the other night where I was trying to get home on the train.  One train was red and the other was blue.

I also had another dream where I was trying to go home.  Remembering who you are is like this.  And just as Neo had mixed feelings of shock, anger, sadness and fear, I, too, have had to process many emotions.   Sometimes I doubt this path and I wonder–Am I doing the right thing?  Am I going the right way?  What if I am just wasting my time?  What if all of this is more delusion?  What if my ego is tricking me?  But I know deep down those doubts are false.  This IS the path.  This IS the real journey.

I’m not sure if people around me really understand.  I have to stay strong in my own knowing.  This is the time for me to really start believing in myself and trusting myself.   I can never really explain what my journey has been like the last few years.  Words are just not enough.   And as much as I want to be understood and accepted, I have to move toward SELF-acceptance.  Because it really doesn’t matter if others accept me.  What matter is that I accept MYSELF, exactly as I am.  The most important thing is simply expressing my truth.  Putting myself out there.

Remembering is bitter sweet.  There is a lot of pain, grief, regret.  For seeing the truth does hurt, even if it only comes a little at a time.  There is a lot of joy, too.  Joy that pierces through the pain.  Joy in being present, in seeing clearly;  Joy in being ALIVE and REAL!   Joy in feeling connected–to my inner wisdom, to others and to that indescribable force which weaves everything together.

For on the one side, I lament over all the ways I have hurt myself, hurt others, lived small and hidden, all the ways I have been afraid, all the ways I have missed out on the love, the abundance, the beauty because of false beliefs.  On the other side, are the limitless possibilities, the excitement, the inspiration!  I feel myself overflowing with wonder.  I sense myself blossoming.  I feel part of something much bigger.  I feel a whole new world opening up.  I can see the real me–open, joyful, loving, truthful, powerful, going through life with ease and lightness.

Life is too short to live being half real, half honest, at half power, only half open, in half relationships, only knowing half love.  Again, there is sadness knowing I have spend nearly half of my life, merely half alive and half awake.   There is fear–what if I can’t life up to this image I now have in my mind?  What if I fail at my becoming all I can be?

But here I am, writing with my whole heart, and yes, it is a WHOLE new world, with a WHOLE new me.  It is no wonder I feel like I could cry and jump for joy all at once!  The more I write, I understand and the more I understand, the more feel at peace with this WHOLE process.  I am coming out of the trance, coming home, remembering who I am.   FULL-ON DONNA!

Life is a wild and wonder-filled ride!  Wake up and remember who you TRULY are.