I woke up this morning and before I was even fully awake my mind was already filling with worry and doubt. I reminded myself–These are just thoughts. They are not who I am.–I started saying to myself–All is well in my world. All is well in my world. Then I reviewed something that had happened yesterday and I realized what I needed to say but didn’t say–I know what is best for me.–I repeated it a few times to myself–I know what is best for me. I know what is best for me.
How many times had I doubted myself, doubted my my feelings and my choices? How many times had I allowed other people to tell me what to do? How many times had I acted in order to please others or gain their approval rather than acting in my own best interests?
Another realization occurred to me–On a spiritual level, I had strategically placed myself in exactly the right situation in order to overcome my limiting beliefs!! Although I had an inkling of this when I quit my job, it didn’t completely sink in until now. I had followed my intuition, feeling that this was the path of learning but I was getting more than I expected. Wow! I got a little peek of this new perspective and it gave me some peace. If I can only stay elevated and watch without getting caught up in my thinking and distress!
Already I had knocked down one belief–I am not worthy. Next was the belief–I don’t know what’s best for me– This was the belief that I shouldn’t trust myself; that my feelings, ideas, and decisions were unreliable and that other people were wiser and smarter than me. POP! Taking out these out-dated false assumptions about myself was going to be like popping balloons! Well, except probably quite a bit harder. (but maybe that is a limiting belief, too!)
Having a sense of self-worth and being able to trust oneself are the very essence of a healthy inner core. Self-worth makes us feel that we have a right to be here; to exist. And self-trust is the foundation of a good relationship with yourself; just as trust is essential in any relationship. Without these it is not possible to be entirely authentic.
When we have self-limiting beliefs, they cause us to build up defences and these defences keep our true self from meeting the world… and keep the world from touching us. We end up living a life feeling separate and fearful–in constant fear that someone is going to bust down our tough walls and hurt us or that we might expose ourselves too much and be seen for the flawed human we really are.
To be authentic, the hard walls must come down and we must soften our hearts so that life can flow through us. This is what Nepo means by “holding nothing back”. In his words, it is “to be an open vessel”.
I have a Jamariquai song in my head this morning. I just looked it up and it’s called “USE THE FORCE”. And would you believe that I watched StarWars-Return of the Jedi last night!! Oh, my goodness! Anyway, the lyrics that are in my head are: “I know I’m gonna get myself together. Use the force. I know I’m gonna work it out.” It’s a beautiful song about believing in yourself, being confident, being one with everything and going beyond your limitations. EXACTLY what I needed to hear today.
These musical messages remind me that without a doubt, there is something greater than myself; some force I cannot explain. When I hear these songs that spontaneously come to me, I become certain that the universe is on my side. I feel safe. I feel I can let go of this crazy-making internal battle. I feel a calmness in knowing that everything is going to be okay. Everything IS okay–right NOW. Maybe, just maybe, I can stop trying to control everything and surrender.
As I was reading from Prendergast’s book, I realized how often I am fighting with reality. Instead of just accepting things as they are, I am constantly striving for some ideal that doesn’t exist. So there is the real world in front of me and the world in my head which don’t match up and then I become frustrated and scared. I fear that something is wrong. I fear that something bad is going to happen. I fear that I am not going to get where I want to go. I lose my trust in myself and the universe. Undoubtedly, this is the cause of many people’s anxiety.
What we need to continually ask ourselves is–What is actually going on here? What is real? What is true for me? It is to go beneath the daily dramas in our minds and really SEE. It’s normal to get lost in thought and to identify with our thoughts and feelings. We just need to keep reminding ourselves to stay present, stay in reality and simply become the observer; to watch what is happening without judgement or criticism; to watch with curiosity, openness and compassion.
This is how you will start to see what your self-limiting beliefs are. Everyone has them so don’t think you are a loser if you have them. As I read somewhere: we are ashamed of our fear and afraid of our shame. You can break the cycle! Here are some limiting beliefs that have held me back:
There is something wrong with me. I am not worthy.
I don’t know what is best for me. I shouldn’t trust myself.
I shouldn’t express my true thoughts and feelings. Be nice or be quiet.
The world is a scary and unpredictable place. Be in control.
I am not good enough. (smart enough, strong enough)
I am not capable. I can’t handle it.
My needs are not important.
I am not interesting.
My ideas are silly.
I still have work to do but I am beginning to see through the falseness and as that happens the frozen parts begin to melt. (I am imagining Han Solo as he comes out of his frigid state!) Now, I am beginning to feel like–Hey,
I am a worthy and valuable person!!
I have the right to be here.
I have the right to express myself.
My needs are important and have the right to speak up for myself.
I am interesting and I have great ideas!!
The universe is a safe and friendly place.
I know as I continue my journey I will also come to fully believe that I am good enough, strong enough and that I am capable!
When you open to the reality and truth, you will see your self-limiting beliefs for what they are. You will see the truth. Like me, you might be pleasantly surprised to find that those negative beliefs are merely lies. Have compassion for yourself and realize that you developed these as a child in order to protect yourself. Be accepting and you can let them go. The truth is you are an unlimited, eternal being of love.