LIMITLESS

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DON’T LIMIT YOURSELF!  That is the message I was getting this morning.  I realized that I was still partly blaming others for my own unhappiness and dissatisfaction.  Although I have become more accountable for my choices and actions, I have not completely taken responsibility.  There’s a crack where I let blame and excuses get through.  Unfortunately, as the saying goes, when we point a finger at someone else, there are three fingers pointing back at us.  Whenever I blame someone else, I give my power up to them and in giving up my power, I am limiting myself by making myself small and weak.  When I truly and deeply accept that EVERYTHING in my life is up to me, I become powerful, strong and LIMITLESS!

In my relationship, I have been living in my comfort zone, playing it safe.  My ego thinks that it has to constantly protect itself from the possibility of hurt, embarrassment, shame, rejection.  I can see that my mind has been playing tricks on me.  I mistakenly thought that by not getting too attached, I wouldn’t risk any loss.  Sacred that showing all of me would turn someone off, I hid some of these emotions away.  Trying to mould myself into someone I think will be accepted and loved, I lose myself.  In other words, by NOT risking loss, I lose the most;  I lose ME!

Being ignorant or stubborn is definitely not the answer.  Attempting to control our emotions or blaming them on others isn’t either.  These are narrow paths.  The way we can get closer to someone is by being totally open and vulnerable; allowing the other person to see us as we truly are not as a version of us we think they will like.  Before we can experience this kind of intimacy with another, we need to be able to have it within ourselves which also means being open to ALL of your emotions and seeing YOURSELF as you truly are.  This is the TRUTH TRIP.

We hold back thinking that we can protect ourselves from pain but essentially WE are the ones who get hurt.  We blame others thinking that this frees us of responsibility but really it only restricts us from our full potential–our LIMITLESS!  The ‘more’ you are yearning for is within.  The power you desire is underneath all of those protective layers.

It’s like an onion.  Once you start peeling this onion, you will start really knowing yourself and healing yourself.  You will be able to let go of the facade, the falseness and the fear.  With an new, expansive and enlightened awareness, you will feel yourself expanding.   You will stop living small and start living LARGE!  Get out of your comfort zone, take a risk and get to know yourself intimately… start peeling!!

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My New Best Friend

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What is confidence?  The word confident comes from French and Latin, meaning “firmly trusting or bold” or to have “full trust and reliance”.   I have usually thought of confidence as feeling of self-assurance but I envision it as much more than that.  Confidence comes from a solid trust in myself.  Having confidence involves trusting that I am a self-reliant, responsible individual who makes good choices, maintains her integrity and expresses her emotions honestly.

To trust myself, I must first know myself intimately.  I must clearly know what my values, beliefs and attitudes are.  I must know my dreams and fears, my strengths and weaknesses.  It’s no wonder I have been experiencing a lack of confidence lately–I’m in the middle of rediscovering who I am!  I am learning to trust my new self which will take time.  It’s really like making a new friend; a confidant.  Every time I make a choice that is consistent with my true inner self, I forge a deeper bond of trust with myself.

The universe didn’t make choices for me–I made choices for me.  I was the one who decided to quit her job and move back to Canada.  I was the one who decided to stop drinking and dancing and take up yoga and meditation.  I was the one who made the choice to start eating healthier and living a slower lifestyle.  I chose to move to this quiet neighborhood and find a job near by.  It’s all been ME!!  Of course, I had some luck, too, but I wouldn’t have been lucky without first taking action and making the big leap to move here.  I saw opportunity in my difficulty.

By owning my mistakes AND my successes, I am really beginning to take charge of my life.  No longer in the fuzz of denial, I am living my truth more and more every day.  As I build this new integrity and harmony, I am showing myself that I CAN be trusted.  Although I still often float into fears and worries and crazy head talk, I am getting better and better at pulling myself back down into my body and into the present.  Confidence comes from developing trust in myself as well as being here and now, in my full presence and power.  I am practicing just being still and being HERE–not fidgeting, or moving around or planning what to do next.

My next step is trusting myself with my feelings–I am still often afraid to just let go.  I seem to be afraid or ashamed of my negative feelings to I stuff them inside.  I need to let myself know that it’s okay to be angry or sad or jealous.  I need to scream, shout and cry–allow myself to FEEL so I can then release the negativity.  These days I frequently wake up in the middle of the night from bad dreams with a bad feeling–nervousness, anger, sadness and some mornings I feel like I just need to have a good cry to let it out.  I had a dream that I was at a pool and trying to shove my stuff into a locker–definitely a sign that it is time for me to “dive in a deal with my emotions” instead of keeping them hidden inside.

Slowly, I am understanding myself and trusting myself as I would a good friend;  a friend that I know will always have my best interests at heart; a friend that I know I can always rely on;  a friend who I can share even my deepest, darkest feelings with;  a friend who acts with integrity;  a friend who listens and is completely present when I am with her.  I’d like to introduce you to your new best friend, DONNA.

CHOICE

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“Everything happens for a reason.”  I have heard this phrase a couple of times recently.  People seem to use it when something either really good or really bad happens to them.  They say, “If I hadn’t worked at that restaurant, I wouldn’t have met my husband.”   Or  “If I hadn’t gotten the insurance money from that car accident, I never would have been able to travel around Europe.”  They believe that this was their fate or destiny.  And many conclude that if they have a destiny then there must be a God or a Higher Power with an ultimate plan.  For some, having the belief in an all-powerful God seems to relieve them of their own responsibility.

This logic is clearly flawed.  Dependent events are events that occur ONLY after a previous event.  For example:  If there’s smoke, there’s fire.  In dependent cases, you can say –“If A, then B” and “If not A, then not B”  But in the cases above, the events are independent:  Meeting her husband did not depend on working at the restaurant;  she could have met him another way.  And his travelling around Europe did not depend on getting into an accident.  He could have saved money or borrowed money to travel.  There are actually billions of possibilities since we, as humans have the power of CHOICE.  What I believe in is CHOICE and RANDOMNESS.  The truth is, the outcomes in our lives are due to a combination of our choices and random events

Saying everything happens for a “reason” suggests that humans have no free will and no choice.  If that were really true, then EVERY choice we made of every second of the day would actually not be a choice at all but would be part of “God’s Plan”.  This idea is ludicrous!  That would imply that it is God’s Plan that I’m having a bowl of cereal and a cup of herbal tea this morning for breakfast.  You can’t say that there is a God who creates and controls everything and yet also claim that humans  have choices in the same breath.  These two concepts are mutually exclusive.  How can you possibly say that an all-powerful, all-knowing God controls some things but cannot control others?   Would that mean that I could choose what to eat for breakfast but that my decision to move to another country was God’s will?

I’m currently reading a book right now in which the woman preaches that if we listen to and follow God’s will then we will lead a happier, healthier, more peaceful life.  This theory fails, too.  If our inner voice is God speaking to us and we can choose whether to listen to it or not, then we are still in fact CHOOSING!  And if there are people on this planet who are choosing NOT to follow God’s plan, then God has hardly any power or control at all.   I mean, if there are billions of people out there doing what THEY want to do, then the world is basically just random chaos.  Additionally, if it were true that we were all just robots programmed to follow some divine plan, then we wouldn’t even be aware that we had any choices!  What makes us human is our conscious awareness.

I do believe that there is a part of us that leads us to make good choices.  Some call it our inner voice or our intuition.  Although most things in our world are out of our control, we do have power because we have the power to CHOOSE.  When we live in the present with awareness it’s much easier to hear our inner voice of wisdom.  When we listen, we have the power to make good choices and wise decisions.  This is really the key to living a happy, healthy, peaceful life.  Perhaps ideally, we would all be living in tune with our wiser self, without fear.

We sometimes cannot stop bad things from happening and we cannot always produce the good results we want but we CAN expand our awareness as much as possible.  Yes, it’s scary to think we are all just random life in a random, chaotic universe.  On the flip side, though, think of how exciting it is to accept that life is filled with infinite possibilities!!

One choice opens up millions of new possibilities and opportunities.  With a few big choices and thousands of day-to-day choices, I have changed my world and created a whole new reality for myself.  Imagine that behind each door you open lies millions of other doors.  Let’s say, you make one big choice, door A, and once inside you now see doors from one to infinity.  You pick another door which also has an infinite number of doors behind it.  Life becomes an infinite, seemingly miraculous, spiral or possibilities, opportunities and connections.  This is the magic of the universe.  What appears impossible is really just a domino effect, a constant process of change and evolution.  The universe is an infinite web of probabilities and outcomes.  Everything is the result of zillions of previous choices and random events, all interconnected.

Rather than having faith in God or a Higher Power, why not have faith in YOURSELF?  It’s when we take responsibility for our actions and own our feelings that we we truly EMPOWER ourselves.  Rewriting the serenity prayer I would say, “I have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

HARMONY

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I think cooking for myself has been one of the best choices I’ve made lately.  Every time I eat a healthy meal that I cooked, I’m telling myself that I’m worthy, I’m important and I can take care of myself.  I can take on challenges and succeed!  These thoughts then become my beliefs an in turn, fuel more good choices.  Believing that I am worthy, my actions will be consistent with this idea and these actions will reinforce the original belief that I am worthy.

Whenever I make choices, I am sending messages to my brain.  My brain forms a belief which then influences future choices.  All it takes is the first step to start a powerful cycle of positive beliefs, positive choices and positive actions.  It’s pretty hard to say ‘I love myself’ with total sincerity when my choices and actions show otherwise.  How can I harm my body and at the same time say–‘I really care about myself’ and not be lying?  I can’t.  Lying to myself is an extremely destructive force.  I cannot live in harmony with myself when my actions do not match the truth of my higher, wiser self.  Once I could honestly admit to myself, “I am not taking care of my body properly” then I started the ball rolling.  Anyone can begin this process.  Just make one choice today that screams–I LOVE MYSELF!  I BELIEVE IN MYSELF!  I AM IMPORTANT!  I AM CAPABLE!

You will not feel confident if you shrink away in the face of a challenge or if you choose the easier path rather than the one you know in your heart is right.  You will not feel good about yourself if you keep quiet when you know you have something important to say or when you feel someone has been disrespectful to you.  You will not be able to love yourself, truly and deeply, if you know deep within you that your actions are not meshing with the urges of your soul.  Imagine a song where the piano is being played in C major, the violin is being played in A minor and the someone is singing in the key of F.  This is the kind of disharmony that can occur.  Your mind is the piano and your body is the violin and your soul is the singer.  Just as in music, creating harmony is not always easy.  You have to listen very carefully.  And you have to KEEP listening because the music is constantly moving and changing.

On the bright side, once you get into the habit of recognizing harmony between your mind, body and soul, you will be able to recognize disharmony much faster.  You will think–Oh, this does not feel right.  OR– “That is not fitting with my truth.  –And then you can make adjustments as quickly as possible to restore harmony.  Quite often we stay in unsatisfying situations simply because we fear the alternative–the unknown.  Maybe we stay in a job that frustrates us or in a relationship that leaves us yearning for more.  Sometimes we repeat bad habits because they ease our discomfort and tension.  Maybe we have the ritual of going drinks after a week at work.  Being in discord will happen once in a while but what is crucial is to be AWARE of it and make necessary CHANGES as soon as we can so we can return to a state of balance and equilibrium.

Listen to that small voice inside you that says–“You can do better.  You deserve better.” Or  “Trust yourself, your uniqueness and your abilities.”  Pay attention to that voice that calls–“Eat more vegetables!” or “Get a good sleep tonight!”  Heed the warnings of–“You need to stop smoking.” or “You need to quit this job.”  Tune in to that part of you that is shouting– “YOU ARE POWERFUL!” “YOU ARE WONDERFUL!”  YOU CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING!”  “YOU ARE GREAT!”