This whole crazy, explosive, self-explorative, transformational, midlife-madness journey began almost exactly a year ago. It started out as my hormones going haywire. My body was telling me, screaming at me, to slow down and take notice. I found myself meditating, doing yoga, and doing everything I could to stay healthy and calm. I was finally regaining some balance when, one night, I had THE DREAM.
It was a very vivid dream. I had become lucid in the dream, realizing that I was dreaming. I told myself with urgency–WAKE UP! WAKE UP! And finally yelling at myself–WAKE THE FUCK UP!!! (I rarely swear in my waking life so I knew this was a message I needed to heed!) It was a clear sign that I had to make some changes. I couldn’t live in denial anymore.
Soon after that I had another vivid dream where I saw a screen and it said–LISTEN FOR THE TRUTH. It glaring me in the face. I woke up with a certainty that it was time to seriously listen to what my inner voice was telling me. A transformation was coming my way and I could either embrace it and go with the flow or try to fight it. I chose to embrace it.
Since those first two dreams, I have woken up many times in the middle of the night with such clarity about myself, lingering past issues, beliefs that hold me back, repressed emotions, feelings I haven’t expressed and the dynamics of the relationships in my life; especially with my husband. I knew that what I was hearing was the truth–MY TRUTH. There was no denying it. It was crystal clear. I suddenly knew, without a doubt, things I needed to say, and how I needed to say them.
Knowing the importance of these ideas and insights, I often was compelled to write them down; even at 2 or 3 o’clock in the morning. Words just started pouring out of me, like they are pouring out of me right now. It was like unearthing some diamonds. These were valuable gems to me and I couldn’t let them slide out of my hands. I had been given the gift of awareness. I soon also knew that I had to share the awareness and wisdom I had gained with others which is why I started this blog.
Through all of the craziness, uncertainty, unpredictability and chaos that I felt about my physical body, this sense of knowing that I got in my soul, in the middle of the night or early in the morning, gave me a sense of peace; a small piece of peace.
It’s inside all of us–this peace, these glittering diamonds of insights. All we have to do is be willing to slow down long enough and be courageous enough to face these truths–truths that we may have been unconsciously avoiding for years; lies we may have been holding onto for years. Lies and denials that may have given us protection and a false sense of safety but have really only led us down the wrong path.
Isn’t it better to face these truths now rather than waiting til you on your death bed? (By the way, one of the things that dying people most regret is not having the courage to be true to themselves.) It is not merely knowing what some of your issues are. It’s really being AWARE, and KNOWING, at a deep level, what is stopping you from being the shiny star you are–all of your destructive patterns, bad habits, conditioned reactions, your escapes and addictions. Once you have truly faced yourself, you can be free and live true to yourself!
Warning: This is not a fun vacation where you can sit and sip on a margarita! This is some very uncomfortable stuff–dark, scary, ugly, sad but ultimately liberating stuff! If you are willing to go on this TRUTH TRIP, this journey of awareness, of hearing your inner voice and healing yourself, you won’t regret it!! In fact, it may be the best trip you’ve ever taken!